Date: January 8th, 2012
Speaker: Pastor Kevin Sndyer
Title: A Visit to the Prayer Therapist
Introduction
Last Feb we did the REVEAL Survey. The #1 priority expressed by you was “Help me to develop my prayer life.”
The truth is as the Foreward begins in “A Praying Life” – “It’s hard to pray.”
Paul Miller goes on and gives some reasons:
a. “American culture is probably the hardest place in the world to learn to pray. We are so busy that when we slow down to pray, we find it uncomfortable. We prize accomplishments, production. But prayer is nothing but talking to God. It feels useless, as if we are wasting time. Every bone in our bodies screams, “Get to work.”
b. “When we aren’t working, we are used to being entertained. Television, the Internet, video games and cell phones make free timeas busy as work…when we do slow down we veg out in front of the screen
c. If we try to slow down we are bombarded by the “kingdom of noise.”
d. One of the subtlest hindrances to prayer is probably the most pervasive. In the broader culture and in our churches, we prize intellect, competency and wealth. Because we can do life without God, praying seems nice but unnecessary. Money can do what prayer does and it’s quicker and less time-consuming. Our trust in ourselves and in our talents makes us structurally independent of God.”
So if you struggle with prayer you are not alone.
One man once commented that if ever want to humble a Christian ask him about his prayer life.
Well, I want to invite you to a journey over the next 8 weeks to improve your connection with God.
And let’s begin by pretending we decided to go to see a prayer therapist to get our prayer lives straightened out.
What would they say?
I imagine the therapist beginning by saying:
“Let’s begin by looking at your relationship with your heavenly Father. God said, ‘I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me.” (2 Cor 6:18)
What’s it like for you to be with your Father? What is it like for you to talk to him?
Let’s suppose that he said “I want you to take 5 minutes in prayer and then we’ll talk about how that was for you.”
(Exercise: 3 minutes)
I want you to take 5 minutes in prayer and afterwards we’ll discuss what it was like for you.
Before you answer…
Listen to some Christians responses to that exercise.
RESPONSES
- • I thought a lot about myself.
- • I prayed 3 minutes and daydreamed 2 minutes.
- • It felt like ten minutes.
- • Hard to stay focused.
- • Is 5 minutes up yet?”
- • Hard to be still.
- • Feels futile…it may not happen.
- • Fell asleep.
- • • I feel like a failure.
- • Feels like a chore.
- • Do I need to say things in the right order?
- • Why pray when you can work?
- • How do you dialogue with someone you can’t see or hear? I like to have a conversation but I don’t hear a voice. It’s
- like I’m talking to myself.
- • The day’s to-do list pops up as soon as I slow down.
- • He knows it already? Why bore God? Sounds like nagging.
- • Evil forces/barriers. Satan uses all these things against us.
- • Seems like it should come naturally. It doesn’t.
- • We try to make it academic. Something
- we’ll be graded on. We think, “I didn’t do it right.”
Perhaps we could categorize some of these into some common prayer hindrances
- Dry - “What do I say? I don’t know what to talk about.”
- Desperate – “I’m calling cuz I’m in trouble and I don’t know who else to call….I should have called sooner.”
- Dutiful - “I’m calling cuz it’s a special day or my scheduled time.”
- Drowsy – “I just can’t keep my eyes open….gonna need some coffee.”
- Disconnected – “Hello….Is anybody there?”
- Distant – “It’s been a long time…do you even care what is going on with me?”
- Distracted – “What’s that noise? Oh, I have to remember to pick up milk at the store….I wonder what is on TV tonight? Wonder what Bob meant by that remark….Uh sorry, I gotta run…catch you later.”
- Doubt – “I’m bringing you this request but based on your past track record I really don’t expect to happen.”
Remedy #1: Who is God to You?
i.e.
One time leading a marriage enrichment series and as a part of that I was able to bring is a “Sex Therapist” to talk to the couples that were a part of the course. Needless to say it was our best attended class.
Her talk that night surprised us because she didn’t talk that much about sex. She said the vast majority of the problems that come into my office are really relationship issues….sex is just like an indicator light. And she talked to us that night about the common relationship problems that impact the marriage bed.
I think a prayer therapist would do much the same. I think they would get us first to look at our relationship with God. I think he might say “I can’t address all these individual concerns today but let’s first look at your relationship to God….Right now you have some dysfunctional thoughts and attitudes towards your God. Let’s look at that 1st and see how it impacts your experience of prayer.
“When I say God, what picture and feelings do you have?”
In my own experience & observations there have been 3 emotions/ beliefs that have impacted negatively prayer lives.
1. Guilt & Fear
God is holy and we aren’t. We have sinned. And one of the hardest things to do is to go and stand next to the one before whom we cannot hide.
We know this in our human relationships. When we have done something wrong or hurt someone our natural inclination is to hide, to cover, to avoid.
i.e.
Movie: The Debt – 3 Mossad agents who during WW2 go to capture the “surgeon of death” from inside Germany and smuggle him out. They fail and a few weeks later he escapes. They agree to lie and say they killed him. Later one of the daughters writes a book about it. Everything is fine until they are all Senior’s when a journalist in Ukraine finds a old man who claims to be the surgeon and the story threatens to come out. One of the 3 commits suicide cuz he can’t live with the lie anymore. Another goes to do away with the man before he can be interviewed and comes to wrestle with weighing the prison she has been in and the freedom of the truth. …knowing the truth will be a great shame.
Point:
Fear of their failure led them to lie to everyone
- When I’ve sinned and done something that doesn’t please God it’s hard to go and pray….felt would be met with angry God and a whip to punish me.
- When I feel I have disappointed him in some way. I want to avoid prayer because it feels like a difficult conversation.
- Sometimes doubt creeps in and I feel guilty over things I have confessed….creates a barrier to go.
- Sometimes I want to avoid prayer because already think I know what God wants to say and I don’t want to hear it.
One of the recipes to a restored prayer life and relationship with God is recognizing God’s graciousness. His desire to give grace and to forgive. He knows what we have done already, and he just longs for us to be honest with him and move from phoney relationship to real.
It has been said:
“Religion is for people who want to stay out of hell, and Christianity is for people who have been there.”
One of the first prayers that opens the doors to a renewed relationship & conversation with God is : “I’m sorry.”
Scripture is chock full of examples:
- Prodigal Son – comes home and the Father wraps his arms around that prodigal son & daughter and welcomes them home.
Psalm 51 (v.17)
You do not want a burnt offering.
17 The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.
You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.
1 John 1:9
9 But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.
A Christian group called “Casting Crowns “ writes these words in their song
“East to West” It is written as a prayer….listen to the words. Make them yours.
Here I am Lord and I'm drowning
In Your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don't want to end up
Where You found me
And it echoes in my mind
Keeps me awake tonight
I know You've cast my sin as far as
The east is from the west
And I stand before You now
As though I've never sinned
But today I feel like
I'm just one mistake away
From You leaving me this way
Jesus, can You show me just how far
The east is from the west?
'Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
Rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
You know just how far
The east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other
I start the day, the war begins
Endless reminding of my sin
And time and time again
Your truth is drowned out by the storm I'm in
Today I feel like
I'm just one mistake away
From You leaving me this way
Jesus, can You show me just how far
The east is from the west?
'Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'Cause You know just how far
The east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other
I know You've washed me white
Turned my darkness into light
I need Your peace to get me through
To get me through this night
I can't live by what I feel
About the truth Your word reveals
And I'm not holding onto You
But You're holding onto me, You're holding onto me
Jesus, You know just how far
The east is from the west
I don't have to see the man I've been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'Cause You know just how far
The east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other
Just how far
The east is from the west
Just how far
From one scarred hand to the other
You know just how far
The east is from the west
Just how far
From one scarred hand to the other
2. Insignificance & Fear
A 2nd common attitude that restricts our relationship with God is insignificance….”Who am I?”
“In a world of 7 billion people and the immensity of needs how much does God care about me needing to pass this exam, or get this promotion, or getting money for a bill?”
And so we get afraid to ask. We think God will be angry for us bothering him with such trivial or selfish requests.
Luke 11: 3 gives us the Lord’s prayer. In that prayer God invites us to bring our material needs.
“Give us our daily bread.”
Luke 11: 11 - 13 reminds us that God responds to us as a loving not mean father when we bring our requests.
11 “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? 12 Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? 13 If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”
Heb 4: 14 – 16 invites us come to the throne with confidence
14 Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, p Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. 15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. 16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
Practical:
Paul Miller in his book spoke into my life in this regard.
Joyce and I have been talking about getting a newer vehicle. Oth our vehicles have over 200,000 km – one is a 1997 & the other is a 1995. With our kids in Wpg we begin to have a little worry on long trips of some unexpected breakdown. On other hand, don’t like idea right now with obligations and plans of adding car payments & pressures to budget.
But interesting thing was as I have wrestled with this I resisted bringing it to God. Why?
Paul Miller identified the why:
p. 142-143 Miller
- “God delights in giving his children good gifts,… But he wants to be part of all the decisions we make.”
- “It feels selfish to pray for one, so instead we’ll work for one. We end up separating a big part of our lives from God because we are trying to feel good about ourselves. As we have seen we create two selves – a spiritual self and a material self.”
- “He wants our material needs to draw us into our soul needs.”
When we realize that God wants to be a part of all the decisions we make it opens up a new door and level of conversation. Our relationship with God expands.
Prayer changed about vehicle to: Lord give me peace and wisdom about buying , or give me contentment.
3. Pride
Pride makes us stiff. OT speaks of it as being “stiff-necked.” We can’t bow our heads. We can’t be vulnerable, humble, honest.
Pride makes us…
3.1 – Too stiff to be vulnerable and risk.
i.e.
Calvin Miller – The Singer Trilogy
P.53-54
Pride makes us…
3.2 - Too stiff to be Real
One of the common reasons I hear for people’s reluctance to pray aloud is they don’t feel they can pray “very good”.
What is a “very good” prayer in their minds?
- articulate
- lengthy
- creative & impressive
- flowery
Paul Miller writes this:
“Ironically, many attempts to teach people to pray encourage the creation of a split personality. You’re taught to “do it right”. Instead of the real, messy you meeting God, you try to recreate yourself by becoming spiritual.
No wonder prayer is so unsatisfying….So instead of being paralyzed by who you are, begin with who you are.”
Strange as it may sound, being stiff-necked can lead us to be the most hypocritical when we pray. We try to bring our best selves, most articulate, cleaned-up selves… Leads us to praying formula prayers, written and rehearsed prayers, trying to impress prayers.
It leads us to becoming preoccupied with the forms & postures of prayers. What’s the right way? What’s the right position? What the right words?
All too often we have modeled our prayers after the Pharisees than after Jesus.
Remember what Jesus said about prayer:
Matthew 6: 5 – 8 (Message?)
5 “When you pray, don’t be like the hypocrites who love to pray publicly on street corners and in the synagogues where everyone can see them. I tell you the truth, that is all the reward they will ever get. 6 But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private. Then your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.
7 “When you pray, don’t babble on and on as people of other religions do. They think their prayers are answered merely by repeating their words again and again. 8 Don’t be like them, for your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him! 9 Pray like this:
Do you remember who he lifted up as a great pray-er.
Tax collector & Pharisee
10 “Two men went to the Temple to pray. One was a Pharisee, and the other was a despised tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed this prayer*: ‘I thank you, God, that I am not a sinner like everyone else. For I don’t cheat, I don’t sin, and I don’t commit adultery. I’m certainly not like that tax collector! 12 I fast twice a week, and I give you a tenth of my income.’
13 “But the tax collector stood at a distance and dared not even lift his eyes to heaven as he prayed. Instead, he beat his chest in sorrow, saying, ‘O God, be merciful to me, for I am a sinner.’ 14 I tell you, this sinner, not the Pharisee, returned home justified before God. “
A rabbi once was asked about the proper position for prayer, commented that he had once fallen down a well and that the best praying he ever did was standing on his head.
Friends, the best prayer is a real prayer. An honest, humble, transparent prayer. Prayer that starts with where you are at, not where you think God wants you to be.
i.e.
Bible School – academic pride and spiritual pride that can quickly take root. You are learning and see how everyone else has it wrong. Head grows faster than our gracious spirit. And this pride would often show up in our guys dorm devotional nights.
I remember one of the upper classmen who every time he prayed he shamed the rest of us with his humility and transparency. When he prayed God just seemed to show up.
And his prtayers were so simple.
Often start:
“Hey God, this is Brian. I didn’t have a very good day today. I said some things I’m not very proud of. I didn’t treat some people like you would have treated them. I spent much of my day anxious as if you weren’t present or cared. I want you to know God that I do love you and want to do better. I need your help. Help me tomorrow as I write that test to remember what I studied. Thanks. Amen.”
In the 17th century a priest wrote this about true prayer:
Francois Fenelon:
“Tell God all that is in your heart, as one unloads one’s heart, its pleasures and it’s pains, to a dear friend.
Tell him your troubles, that he may comfort you;
tell him your joys, that he may sober them;
tell him your longings, that he may purify them;
tell him your dislikes, that he may conquer them;
talk to him of your temptations, that he may shield you from them;
show him the wounds of your heart, that he may heal them;
lay bare your indifference to good, your depraved tastes for evil, your instability.
Tell him how self-love makes you unjust to others, how vanity tempts you to be insincere; how pride disguises you to yourself and others.
If you thus pour out your weakness, needs, troubles, there will be no lack of what to say. You will never exhaust the subject. It is continually renewed.
People who have no secrets from each other never want for subjects of conversation. They do not weigh their words, for there is nothing to be held back; neither do they seek for something to say. They talk out of the abundance of the heart, without consideration they just say what they think.
Blessed are they who attain to such familiar, unreserved intercourse with God.”
Conclusion
I want us to start today by taking a step towards building a relationship with God.
3 little prayers that always open the door again and start the communication flowing:
Don’t want us to just talk about prayer but practice it:
1. “I’m Sorry”
You finish that prayer with whatever comes to heart…be honest and specific.
2. “I need your help…”
Bring whatever aspect of your life is concerning you….no matter how trivial…
3. “Lord, it’s the real me…”
Bring who you are to God today. Be real & transparent
Are you angry…depressed…worried…frustrated…bored…happy
- Bring some aspect of life that you have tended to cut him out of…
Wrap-Up
Series is about developing a praying life….dealing with our struggles
- Resources:
- Book
- Facebook – clips
- Sunday mornings: sermons & prayer
- Tuesday nights – group – stories of how prayer works
- Weekly: email & Facebook – exercises & focuses on prayer
Click here to return to sermon page
Tyndale House Publishers. (2007). Holy Bible : New Living Translation. (3rd ed.) (1 Jn 1:9). Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers.
The New International Version. 2011 (Lk 11:11–13). Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.
The New International Version. 2011 (Heb 4:14–16). Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.
Tyndale House Publishers. (2007). Holy Bible : New Living Translation. (3rd ed.) (Mt 6:5–9). Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers.
Tyndale House Publishers. (2007). Holy Bible : New Living Translation. (3rd ed.) (Lk 18:10–14). Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers.