Simpsons Series - June 15th, 2008

DATE: June 15, 2008

SPEAKER: Pastor Michael Fedunec

TITLE: A PORTRAIT OF FATHERHOOD

THEME: Fatherhood

SERIES: Becoming A God-Shaped Family In A Simpson Filled World

TEXT: 1 Thessalonians 2:7-2:12

Introduction

Do you remember years ago watching the movie The Incredible Shrinking Man?
In the movie the main character is a man who because of an exposure to a chemical slowly gets smaller and smaller until there is really nothing left of him.
Today in North American Society, and in the Lord’s Churches the exact same thing is happening.
Because of a prolonged exposure to a misguided culture – a Simpson filled world... manhood, true manhood and true Fatherhood is slowly getting smaller and smaller until there is now very little left of them.
Far too many men have become detached, distant and passive in the 2 most important areas of their life -- Home and Church.
They no longer take lead; or show the imitative, they avoid responsibility.
They run away from commitment and resist obligation; and they renege on the promises that they made to their wives, children, Church and Lord.

What Are The Effects?

Two of the world's leading academics in child development detail research showing that children with involved fathers have better social skills when they reach nursery, do better in national examinations at 16, and are less likely to have a criminal record by the age of 21.

Jack O'Sullivan, The Guardian U.K., January 28, 2004

Eight times more likely to go to prison.
Five times more likely to commit suicide.
20 times more likely to have behavioral problems.
20 times more likely to become rapists.
32 times more likely to become runaways.
10 times more likely to abuse chemical substances.
Nine times more likely to drop out of high school.
One-tenth as likely to get A's in school

And this lack of manhood and father hood -- THIS shrinking away of true men has hurt our families, society and our churches...
Father’s Day presents us with an opportunity to look at masculinity once again.
Not the Rambo type who walks with a swagger & cusses like a sailor.
Such men probably make bad neighbors & poor business partners & abusive fathers & husbands.
Nor am I talking about the Homer Simpson typetype who is a bubbling buffoon.
I’m talking about a man who knows he is a man & is proud of that.
But at the same time he has a soft & tender heart that is sensitive to others & to the will of God.
I’m talking about God’s man. I’m talking about fatherhood the way it ought to be.
Where do you find guidance for that?
Well, the Bible is always the best source. So I’ve selected a passage from 1 Thessalonians 2 that few would consider to be a Father’s Day text.
But I think it is a good one.

“As apostles of Christ we certainly had a right to make some demands of you, but instead we were like children among you. Or we were like a mother feeding and caring for her own children. We loved you so much that we shared with you not only God’s Good News but our own lives, too.

Don’t you remember, dear brothers and sisters, how hard we worked among you? Night and day we toiled to earn a living so that we would not be a burden to any of you as we preached God’s Good News to you. You yourselves are our witnesses—and so is God—that we were devout and honest and faultless toward all of you believers. And you know that we treated each of you as a father treats his own children. We pleaded with you, encouraged you, and urged you to live your lives in a way that God would consider worthy. For he called you to share in his Kingdom and glory. 1 Thessalonians 2:7-12,

Let me suggest that in these few verses we see a portrait of fatherhood that is worth examining.
And as you look at the portrait, consider with me 5 wonderful traits of a father today.

FIVE TRAITS OF FATHERHOOD

I. ABLE TO EXPRESS GENUINE LOVE

The first trait of a father would be the ability to express genuine love.
Notice what Paul says in vs. 8, “We loved you so much.”
In the original language those words expressed an intensity of love that gives over & over again.
Paul says, “It’s hard even to find words to express how much, but we really do love you.”
I think that is an important character trait for fathers because loving & expressing love does not come naturally for most men.
I’m convinced that is the reason the Bible tells husbands to “love” their wives, because we have to learn how to love.
The Bible almost never tells wives to “love” their husbands because that usually comes naturally for them.
Instead, wives are told to “respect” their husbands, because sometimes that is hard to do.
Men, most of us have to learn how to love.
That is true about the father & child relationship, too. It doesn’t usually come easy for us.
Men, Do you remember when you brought your first child home?
Your wife seemed to know what to do.
She knew the head was heavy & that the muscles had not developed in the neck to support it.
So she supported it. She also knew that the soft spot on top of the head was a place of vulnerability & you had to be really careful about it.
She knew when the baby was hungry, & when its diaper needed to be changed.
And she changed it with skill.
She knew when it was bath time & play time & sleep time. She knew all those things.
But we men had a lot to learn.
When we first held the baby, at least for many of us, it was an awkward experience.
I didn’t know when the baby was hungry, & when the diaper needed to be changed.
And I was not very skilled at changing diapers, either. All those things had to be learned.
But soon we get to the place where even if we’re not so good at them, we kind of enjoy them.
We enjoy holding our children & expressing love.
We enjoy playing with them, watching them laugh, & then comforting them when they are in distress.
Then what happens?
They grow up, & just about the time you get good at it, it all changes.

A couple of years ago the cartoon strip, “For Better or for Worse,” showed Dad coming into the room where his teenage daughter was sitting on the couch watching television & munching popcorn. So he decided to sit down next to her & help himself to the popcorn.

As he was sitting there, a little thought balloon appears over his head. He’s thinking, “I remember when she was so young. I held her in my arms & loved her, & it was wonderful. Now look at her. She’s all grown up, & such a beautiful girl, too. I wonder what she would think if I held her like I used to & told her again that I love her?” He finally concludes that she would be uncomfortable if he did that.

While he’s thinking that, his daughter is thinking, “I wonder why Dad never hugs me anymore?”

Isn’t it sad that we have arrived at a time in our culture when there is so much incest & perversion that as Dads we’re not even sure how to express love anymore?

We’re not sure what’s proper & what’s not proper.

II. GENUINE TRANSPARENT LIFE

The second trait is a transparent life.
Paul writes in vs. 8, “We loved you so much that we delighted to share with you not only the Gospel of God but our lives as well.”
Now notice that there is a connection between “gospel” & “lives.”
It is one thing to hear the gospel. But it is another thing to live it.
What Paul is saying is, “When we lived among you we not only told you the good news, we modeled it for you by how we lived.”
It seems to me that if you’re a Christian dad, your kids ought to know it by the way you live.
For example, being a Christian will affect the decisions you make every day.
The values in your home will be different than those found in a pagan home.
A pagan home values things like pleasure & power & prestige & possessions.
But in a Christian home, we learn that things we can’t see, things we can’t buy, & things we can’t hold on to, are really the most precious.
We have completely different values.
What about stress? Would you deal with stress differently if you were a Christian dad than if you were not?
I think you would, because there is a peace available to you that the world doesn’t understand, a peace that passes all understanding.
What about finances - how you budget your money? Wouldn’t that be affected by how the gospel has changed your life & made you into a different person?
What about humor & joy & laughter - all the things we find in a home influenced by the gospel?
Robert Fulgem became popular when he wrote a book entitled, “Everything I Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.” He has written again, & in his most recent book he talks about grown children coming home again. He says that it is normal when grown kids come back home, to reminisce about things they got by with when they were younger, that mom & dad never found out about.

He recalls that when his children began reminiscing, that his oldest son said, “Dad, when I was 14 & you & mom were gone for a while, I went out in the garage & got in the car, started it up, backed it out, drove it around the block several times, & then put it back in the garage. And you never knew it.”

Everybody laughed, & then he went on, “Another time when you & mom went to the grocery store, we kids went out in the back yard & smoked a cigar. You came home early & we thought for sure you had caught us. But you never knew & we got away with it.” Once again everybody laughed. And it was a kind of a bonding time for them all.

Then Fulgem told his children, “You didn’t know some of the things your mom & I got by with. For instance, you never knew that we took a cut off all the money grandma sent you at Christmas. You never knew that oftentimes when we told you we weren’t serving leftovers, that they really were leftovers disguised in some way. You never knew that when you called me from camp & you were so homesick, & I told you that I missed you, too, that I lied.”

He went on, “I know who sent you the anonymous valentine cards. And I know who got into my wallet & took money & never said so. And there were times when I let you lie to me, because the truth was too hard for either of us to hear. And there were times when I told you that I loved you when I didn’t love anybody, not even myself.”

That’s transparency, & that’s hard to deal with.
But I think kids need to see in their fathers, not just an authority figure, but someone who is real, someone whose heart has been touched & changed, who still makes mistakes & yet has the courage to admit that he has made those mistakes.

III. GENUINE UNSELFISH DILIGENCE

Here’s a third trait – an unselfish diligence.

Paul says, “You remember, brothers, our toil & hardship; we worked night & day in order not to be a burden to anyone while we preached the gospel of God to you” [1 Thessalonians 2:9].

Now I think we have a responsibility as parents to teach a good work ethic to our children.

And oftentimes, if our kids don’t see a father who is a hard worker & who has a good work ethic, they’ll never learn it.

We teach it in two ways. First, we teach by example, by just doing it & letting our children see that.

Secondly, our children learn by doing. We give them the opportunity to do things & make their own mistakes & learn from the mistakes they make.

I’m reminded of the story of a little boy who was not very artistic who was trying to draw a horse on a piece of paper. His father, who was artistic, watched as he did. The little boy was clumsy, so his father tried to help him. He started giving him advice, which really didn’t help very much.

Finally, the father took the piece of paper, drew a beautiful horse & handed it back saying, “Here, that’s the way you do it.” The son turned & looked at his dad & said, “But dad, I want to draw my own horse.”

Every child has to draw his or her own horse. And as dads we have to be wise enough to step back & let them do that, to make their own mistakes & learn from those mistakes.

IV. GENUINE SPIRITUALITY

Fourthly, the trait of genuine spirituality.
Paul said, “You are witnesses, & so is God of how holy, righteous & blameless we were among you who believed” [Vs. 10].
Now notice what he said, “First of all, we preached the gospel of God to you.
Secondly, you are witnesses of how we lived.
We lived holy, righteous, & blameless lives among you.
Our behavior was influenced by what we believed about Jesus.”
God has commissioned dads to be spiritual leaders.
And you’re the spiritual leader of your home whether you realize it or not.
You will either lead your family closer to God or further away.
But as a Christian, it is your responsibility to lead them closer to Him. If you don’t, you’ll be leading them closer to the evil one & his kingdom.
As spiritual leaders it’s our responsibility to show that we are genuine, that our Christianity is not just something for Sunday, but something we are all week long.
So if you come to church & carry your Bible & look very pious on Sunday, but you never open it through the week, your kids will know.
So if you say you love God and the only time you worship him is on Sunday your children will know
So if you tell your children the importance of serving God but you do not volunteer your time to serve others your children will learn that too.
So it is absolutely essential that we be genuine.

V. A MAN HAS A POSITIVE INFLUENCE

Finally, there is the trait of positive influence.
Paul writes, “For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting & urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into His kingdom & glory” [Vs. 12].
That is what a father does.
He encourages & comforts & urges his children to live lives worthy of God.
In Colossians 1:10a says “And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way.”
What does Paul mean when he says, “Live a life worthy of the Lord” ?
The word “worthy” means “weight”
He is saying that our lives should have some substance to them
That we would have some weight to our lives
Illustration: I need a helper

Place a string on someone’ shoulder while they close their eyes, and ask them to tell you when they can tell that you have placed it there. Then place a large book on their shoulder, and ask them to tell you when it is there. They should have difficulty with the string but not the book.

Two things are true of a person of weight

#1 You can tell when they are there

#2 They make a difference in whatever situation they enter into

Did you notice what happened when I put the book I put the book on the shoulder? – It went down
When men of weight enter the room, things change
The spirit of the room changes, the look on people’s faces change, the conversation changes
They make a dramatic impact wherever they go
And when they leave, their presence there is remembered because they continue to impact even after they are physically gone
They are men of influence because they are people with some substance to them.

You can be a man of weight by doing something as simple as not showering or a week

The look on people’s faces change
The conversation changes
The spirit in the room changes

You can be a man of weight by doing something as simple as breaking a promise to your children.

Listen to Brian’s story: “I was just 12 years old when my Boy Scout troop planned a father-son campout. I was thrilled & could hardly wait to rush home & give my father all the information. I wanted so much to show him all I’d learned in scouting, & I was so proud when he said he’d go with me.

“The Friday of the campout finally came, & I had all my gear out on the porch, ready to stuff it in his car the moment he arrived. We were all to meet at the school at 5 p.m. & car pool to the campground. But Dad didn’t get home from work until 7 p.m. I was frantic, but he explained that things had gone wrong at work & told me not to worry. We could still get up first thing in the morning & join the others. After all, we had a map. I was disappointed, of course, but decided to make the best of it.

“First thing in the morning, I was up & had everything in his car while it was still getting light, all ready for us to catch up with my friends & their fathers at the campground. Dad had said we’d leave around 7 a.m., & I was ready a half hour before that. But he didn’t even come out of his room until 9 a.m.

“When he saw me standing out front with the camping gear, he finally explained that he had a bad back & couldn’t sleep on the ground. He hoped I’d understand & that I’d be a ‘big boy’ about it … but could I please get my things out of his car, because he had several commitments he had to keep.

“Just about the hardest thing I’ve ever done was to go to the car & take out my sleeping bag, cooking stove, pup tent, & supplies. And then, while I was putting my stuff away in the storage shed & he thought I couldn’t see, I watched my father carry his golf clubs out & throw them in his trunk & drive away to keep his ‘commitment.’

“That’s when I realized my dad never meant to go with me to the campout. I didn’t matter to him, but his golfing buddies did.”

You can be a man of substance when we allow God to teach us lessons

Charlie Shedd writes about the time he moved his family from Kansas to Okla. He said that there was a bale of baler twine he had saved for some reason but that he had never used. So as they were getting ready to move he told his son, Phillip, “I don’t want you to mess with that baler twine. That’s special, so please don’t touch it.”

He said, “That must have been like saying ‘Sic ‘em,’ to a dog, for almost every day I found that he had been playing with my baler twine. I would lecture him. I would tell him, ‘Don’t play with it.’ But it seemed like a magnet that kept pulling him back. Then one day, I came home from work & there was baler twine almost everywhere. It was stretched & crisscrossed all across the garage door,” he said.

“As I started cutting my way through just to get the car into the garage, I rehearsed the lecture I was going to give my son. But,” he said, “as I cut away I started thinking, ‘What am I going to do with this baler twine?’ And then he realized that maybe the baler twine was not nearly that important.

“So,” he said, “that night when we sat down at the evening meal, & said a prayer to thank God for the food, Phillip remained with his head bowed. I said, ‘Phillip, about that baler twine.’ Phillip’s head bowed even lower & you could tell he was really disturbed.”

Then Charlie Shedd said, "Phillip, I’ve decided that baler twine is not worth nearly as much as you are. You’re really a special son, & I love you a bunch. If you want to play with the baler twine, just help yourself.” And he added, “Phillip never touched the baler twine again.” Now that is what I call a positive influence, & that’s what I really call love

Knowing that we, especially as men, can be both negative weights and positive weights, Paul added some clarification to his prayer.

“…worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way.”

He wanted them to live lives that were weighty for the Lord
In other words, the impact that they left behind them, the impact they had on their family, church, and community was not of how great man they were, but of how great a God that they served.
When their feet left footprints, it wasn’t suppose to be an imprint of their own feet, but an impression of God’s feet
When people remembered and repeated their words, the impression that should be left in their minds was an impression of Jesus, not of them.
Then, every impression that our weight leaves behind will be an impression that brings glory to God.
Men, you and I need to be people of impact because our families, church, and community need to have men of substance.

CONCLUSION.

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind….” Romans 12:1-2b

If we are going to become God-shaped families in a Simpson filled world it is going to require us, as men, to step up to the plate and make a decision
That we are going to allow the truth of God’s mercy and grace sink into our not only our minds but our hearts to the point that we make a commitment to set aside our own wants and desires with the intent of pleasing God.
That we are going to stop allowing this world from shaping the way we act towards God, ourselves, our families, and our community.
That we are going to deliberately work at changing what we believe about ourselves, about our roles as men and fathers in an effort to
Become men who

Express genuine love
Live a transparent life
Have genuine diligence
Display genuine spirituality
Impact others with positive influence

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